Bullying in our Schools

This is my Church newsletter article for the month of December. Please feel free to comment, and give your feedback!!!

I know I should probably write a “Christmassy” article for December, but after reading something, I was led in another direction. In response to the problem of violence in our schools the National Institute of Child Health noted that one-third of children (especially boys) between 6^th and 10^th grade are regularly involved with the problem of bullying. Did you know that every day in America 200,000 children stay home because they’re afraid of a bully in school? Also, according to Cheryl Miller, six out of ten kids witness some kind of bullying on a daily basis in school. For some kids, school is terrifying. How can we ever forget that day when 2 teenagers, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, killed 12 students and a teacher in Colorado? Did you know that as they walked the halls of their High School they shouted, “This is for all the people who made fun of us all these years!”

Youth-worker and author, Cheryl K. Miller, wrote an article, Putting an End to Bullying. In it she gives six points to consider in dealing with this issue with your children or grandchildren. This is the best and most succinct article that I have ever read on this subject. I have underlined Cheryl’s main points.

#1. Listen to any verbal and/or non-verbal clues that abuse is happening. Keep in mind that this is NOT something that kids like to talk about because of embarrassment. Therefore, you’ve got to scratch the surface and really listen for clues of bullying. Ask probing questions. Look for any strange reactions when you mention the names of other children that they might know from school or the neighborhood.

#2. Look for patterns of abuse at home. This might sound strange, but oftentimes this problem can start right at home. If your child is being picked on at home by a brother, sister, they usually bring those patterns of passivity or victimization with them in relationships with other children. Teach and model boundaries and self-respect. Physical abuse, name-calling and put-downs should never be tolerated in the home. Give your children respect and space too.

#3. Teach kids how to be friends and how to have healthy friendships. Most children simply don’t know how to have good friendship, and so we need to talk about it. Talk with them about how to respond to certain situations with their peers.

#4. Give them constant support and encouragement at home. Kids (especially those in the middle-school age) are oftentimes faced with a barrage of peer-pressure, cutting remarks and shunning from their peers at school. In order to offset this they need lots and lots and lots of love at home.

#5. Tell you children that sometimes getting outside help is OKAY! There are some situations where everybody needs outside help, especially when a bigger or older person is intimidating, threatening or harassing someone else.

#6. Finally (and this might seem contradictory to the previous point but), don’t try to fight all their battles. Sometimes kids need to learn how to fight their battles. As part of the developmental process, it’s a way of learning how to handle conflict. This calls for great wisdom; to discern whether the child is capable of handling the situation or not.

Kevin Leman wrote, “All of us have an emotional love-bucket that needs to be filled.” Kids need love too, and when their love-bucket gets kicked around too much they can go over the edge. “Bear one another’s burdens (especially our younger ones), and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). May God bless you as you continue to serve Him in our community by caring for our Youth!

So, how was the conference?

It’s good to know I’m not the only one needing time to formulate commentary on GodBlogCon 2007 in Las Vegas, from which I returned three days ago (my return being delayed by a visit with friends after the conference). Even Joe Carter says,

Although I've been back almost a week, I still haven't finished putting together my post on the recent GodBlogCon. Some subjects are trivial and rather easy to write about (i.e., politics). More substantive matters are more difficult and it takes me some time to think about what I want to say. GodBlogCon is one of the most important events of my year so it's taking me awhile to get the words out.

It’s okay, Joe. Right now I’m at this level: “Where am I? Oh, I'm home. Oh I see. I see laundry. Must do laundry. Must do dishes. Must buy food. See Spot run. Must stop kids. From killing. Each other. Sleep... I need sleep.”

Speaking of sleep, I got virtually none the night before I was to speak. Contemplating sharing a podium with the likes of Al Mohler Jr., John Mark Reynolds, Mark D. Roberts, LaShawn Barber, Paul Spears, Joe Carter, and bright young stars like Dustin Steeve, Kevin Wang, and Rhett Smith about did me in. Good grief. My trembling could’ve run several small appliances. But I got over it, wonder of wonders (there is a merciful God) and you can hear the result here.

I must say that Sarah (Sarah Flashing, fellow member of Intellectuelle, a group blog for female lay-thinkers) took very good care of me, and together we had great conversation and great fun, even before hitting the Strip. Just kidding. About the Strip, that is. Both our seriousness and mirth were apparently noted by Dr. Reynolds, who remarked that we “are intensely rational, but appear to be enjoying it immensely.” Actually, I should just send you to his summary because he really captures the essence of the conference.

I regret not visiting with more people (two days go by fast!) but am grateful for every conversation I had, and delighted to have been part of this intense think-tank of seriously smart and seriously serious lovers of God who put their all into transmitting the Gospel via the internet. I think we all agree that we must keep doing what we're doing, which is pretty much the encouragement I brought away from the first GodBlogCon in 2005. (Wasn't able to attend last year's.) This year there was less idealism and more realism, which can only be good, but that's not to say that there was no optimism. There certainly was.

Dr. Reynolds, Dustin Steeve, and his assistants from Torrey Honors Institute are to be commended at the city gates and beyond for the integrity and scope of their efforts to make the conference happen. Their accomplishment is truly staggering. And they are still smiling!

After I get some sleep and a few loads of laundry done, I’ll share a few more of my thoughts on the conference.

(cross-posted at Intellectuelle)